Uchiha in Humor
by Aster Uchiha
Summary: A bunch of random things involving Itachi andor Sasuke. There might end up being a lot of implied SasukeXevery other guy character. I won't edit anything out, so read the author note at top for pairings. It's all funny. Here goes enjoy! I luv Itachi!
1. My Clothes

My Clothes

I got this idea after reading Naruto Shppuudon manga. I almost liekd Sasuke, but he stil seems like a cheap knock-off of Itachi. It has some mention of yaoi, but nothing graphic. I had fun typing something that was humorous, so I hope you enjoy. If you haven't read all of the new manga, you might not understand all of it. But as long as you know the outfits of the characters, it should be pretty okay. Review and tell me how it is. I'll be doing new chapters for each subject, all dealing with-of course- Itachi and/or Sasuke. Enjoy my twisted sense of humor.

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Sasuke burst in through the door dramatically. "Itachi," he cried waving his hand, "I have come to defeat you!"

Itachi was sitting in his favorite chair reading manga. He turned slowly, angry at being disturbed while reading his favorite series- _Fruits Basket_. Itachi glared at him until he realized what his brother was wearing. "Why are you dressed like that?"

"Itachi! It's after the time skip! We're all supposed to look cooler!" Sasuke put his hands on his hips. "Where are your new clothes?" Sasuke asked.

Itachi only pointed the bottom half of Sasuke's new outfit, "It looks like a skirt."

Sasuke crossed his arms and retorted, "Well, what about your 'dress'?"

"Look.." Itachi glared at him, rubbing his head. _How many times had he heard this before?_ "It's not a dress. I don't get new clothes. I have to wear the uniform. Why in god's name do you _choose_ to wear a skirt?"

"It's not a friggin' skirt!" Sasuke cried stamping his foot. "It looks cool.. You're just jealous."

"Of what?" Itachi asked in a not so friendly manner. "Your incredible idiocy or gay aura?"

"I'm not gay!" Sasuke started, but Itachi cut him off when he pulled out a Naruto manga.

"Then what's with you and this dude.. Sai?" Itachi inquired with an evil grin. He pointed to picture on the page.

Sasuke' mouth dropped open, "How'd you get that picture?"

"It's in anime stores everywhere.." Itachi laughed as he put the book away.

"I'm just bisexual.. What's wrong with that?" Sasuke muttered.

Itachi gaped at him. "You finally came out the closet? Or what would bisexual people be in?" Itachi proceeded to laugh in a horribly loud, obnoxious way at Sasuke.

Sasuke slowly turned beet red as Itachi continued to laugh at him. "At least I'm not like you." Itachi stopped laughing for a second to look at him skeptically. "I don't always go for guys, sometimes I like girls.."

"What do you mean by that?" Itachi glared at him again.

"You're really, truly gay!" Sasuke yelled, pointing at Itachi. "You and your long hair and your purple nails!!"

Itachi sighed. "Again, the nails are part of the uniform."

"But you can't deny your hair!" Sasuke cried triumphantly.

Itachi gazed at Sasuke smugly. "People get us mixed up often enough as it is. If I cut my hair, we'd look even more alike."

Sasuke stuck his tongue out at Itachi. "Whatever! My clothes aren't gay."

Itachi grabbed his own hair, "You just said you like guys and girls! That makes you partially gay! Hence, _you have gay clothes_.."

"You're always so mean to me Itachi!" Sasuke waved his fists in the air before running off.

Itachi stared dumbfounded after his brother who was running away, screaming his head off. "That was… abrupt."


	2. Reflections

Reflections

This is weird and random. I'm having trouble posting.. It has one-sided Uchihacest, SasuXSaku, and SasuXNaru, not to mention one-sided NaruXSaku! ahah! I'm not sick-minded!

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Sasuke sat at the edge of a small wooden pier over looking a lake near his home. He was still young had just gotten out the hospital after coming home to find that Itachi had massacred their entire family. 

He sat scratching his head, mulling over his brother's words. _He wants me to get revenge._ Sasuke thought slowly, his young mind trying to comprehend things still._ People who get revenge always have cool names. I need a cool name._ Sasuke rubbed his chin in thought for a second before bursting out, "I know! I can call myself a 'revenger'!"

Excited Sasuke kicked his feet and stirred the water that showed his reflection. The image morphed itself into his brother's face. "Foolish little brother.." it said menacingly.

Sasuke stopped, frozen for a second, before looking down at the water. "Nii-san?" he asked.

The reflection only repeated itself, "Foolish little brother.."

Sasuke made a weird face at it to see if it really was his brother. It only continued to glare at him, so he decided it really was Itachi. "Don't you like my new name, 'revenger'?" Sasuke said proudly.

"Foolish little brother.." Itachi repeated.

Sasuke gasped, shocked that Itachi didn't like his name. Then he resolved to come up with a new one. _When you get revenge,.. you wreak vengeance! That's it!_ "I'm vengeancer!" Sasuke cried triumphantly.

Itachi's reflection sighed in an irritated way and then again added, "Foolish little brother.."

"AUGH!" Sasuke growled, infuriated that Itachi didn't like any of his new names. _What do all those words have in common? Hmm.. They all have 'venge' in them! That's it!_ "I am VENGE!" Sasuke punched the air believing he had finally got the right word.

The reflection emitted another long, heavy sigh and then growled back, "_Foolish, foolish little brother!_"

"Then you come up with something better!" Sasuke pouted.

"How about _aven_-" Itachi's reflection began, but Sasuke interrupted.

"OOH! I know!" he cried, "A-veneger!! I'm an avenger!" Sasuke clapped his hands in idiotic glee.

Itachi's reflection began to disappear. But before it was gone, he added, "Foolish little brother.."

"Wait Nii-san!" Sasuke cried, leaning down towards the water.

Itachi came back into focus. "What?! What now?" he demanded sharply.

Sasuke frowned and gave his puppy dog eyes. "You didn't give me a kiss good bye!" he said meekly.

Itachi's reflection stared at him shocked and horrorified. "Kiss?!" it yelled. "Who the hell do you think I am?"

Sasuke only leaned closer. "Pwleeease?"

Itachi scowled at him.

"PLWEEEASE!!" Sasuke begged.

Itachi growled, "HELL. NO." Then he disappeared.

"Nii-san!" Sasuke called desperately leaning over the water. "Wait! What about my kiss!?"

Sasuke jumped into the water head first. Sakura and Naruto had been watching the entire time, only able to hear the last part of the conversation.

Sakura ran after Sasuke, "Poor Sasuke-kun!" she shrieked. "Don't worry! I'll save you!"

Meanwhile, Naruto only stared after them in disgusted awe. _He wanted his brother to __**kiss**__ him.. _Naruto shivered at the thought.

Sasuke was about halfway down to bottom of the lake when he realized he didn't know how to swim. He had asked Itachi to teach him. But Itachi refused to go into the water because it meant he had to take off his shirt around Sasuke. Sasuke almost cried a little. _Nii-san was so distant!_ He thought sorrowfully. He had begun to lose consciousness when he felt someone grab him.

Sasuke awoke to hear Naruto and Sakura arguing.

"Someone needs to help him!" Naruto insisted.

"He needs CPR!" Sakura retorted.

Sasuke had almost opened his eyes, but pretended to still be unconscious. _Naruto might give me CPR!_ He thought excitedly. Itachi had refused to kiss him, but Naruto just might!

"I'm not doing it!" Naruto stated.

"That's okay! I will," Sakura smiled evilly. Sasuke had been too lost in his day-dreaming to hear either of them.

He felt someone lean over him, and opened his eyes a little to see who it was. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized it was Sakura. Quickly he sat up, pushing her away. He rubbed his face so that Naruto wouldn't see how disappointed he was.

Naruto only breathed a sigh of relief. His friend was safe, and Sakura hadn't kissed Sasuke. After all, Naruto wanted to kiss Sakura.

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YEAH! Retardedness! Well, please give me reviews! I hardly get any! please! Do my fics really suck that much?! C'mon! Stop being so cruel! 


	3. In Orochimaru's Room

This chapter is mostly using a character from oOfunkyrainbowOo's fiction, 'I Shall Twist Your Words'. If you like De-Ji, read her fic!! I don't know how well I portrayed her.. but I tried! sweatdrop There's OrochimaruXSasuke and OrochimaruXKabuto. Only implied though, nothing happens!! It's all in the name of humor, so don't get angry! I luagh at this every time..

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In Orochimaru's Room

Itachi had been sent to get Orochimaru back for Akatsuki. He stood outside his lair, glaring at the girl next to him. She barely came up to his shoulder, and her blue hair seemed out of place in the dark forest around the entrance. Did I mention this girl was the reason Orochimaru had left Akatsuki? She had found their hideout and played annoying pranks on all the organization's members until Orochimaru had become fed up and left.

"So, you just _knock_ on the door?!" she asked in an astounded voice. "Aren't you supposed to have traps or secret codes to get in?"

Itachi sighed, even more annoyed. "Will you just shut up?"

De-Ji just tugged on his hair (annoying Itachi to no end) and replied smartly, "Shut doesn't go up, but I grow up. And when I look at you I throw up."

Glaring hadn't worked, and Itachi wasn't about to lower himself and squabble with a young girl. Instead, he just ignored her. She tugged on his hair again.

"Why does you club wear dresses if you're all guys?" De-Ji asked for the fifth time that day.

"It's not a club, "Itachi told her through gritted teeth. "And I'm not wearing a dress."

Bored by his lack of.. _enthusiastic_.. reaction, De-Ji tried to taunt him, "Weasel-kun!" she cried, imitating his fangirls. Itachi glared at her and activated the sharingan. De-Ji let go of his hair, "Okay, okay.. I get the idea…"

After a while in an uncomfortable silence, De-Ji strolled away. Itachi didn't even bother to follow her. He was just glad to rid of her.

_He was no fun. _De-Ji thought._ The whole Uchiha clan is no fun. Itachi is so boring.. And Sasuke.. Hey! I haven't done anything to him yet!_ De-Ji stopped, plotting her next prank on Sasuke. Grinning from ear to ear, she broke into Orochimaru's lair through a back door.

(How convenient, a back door.. Why didn't Naruto and Sakura see that?)

As soon as she was inside, she used a Henge no Jutsu to transform in Orochimaru. (Henge no Jutsu is- Transformation Jutsu) She looked down to see her black capris and green khaki shirt transformed into Orochimaru dress-like tunic and black sweats, all topped with a huge purple bow. _What a freak.._ she thought, looking over the outfit. In disguise, she dashed off to find Sasuke. She had always accused Sasuke of being gay, but never had any solid proof. Now was the perfect time to find out.

De-Ji was in luck. She hadn't gone far when she found Sasuke. He turned, at first glaring, until he realized it was 'Orochimaru' who had entered his training area. His glare became a huge grin. Now De-Ji's plan came into play.

"Sasuke, I would like to speak to you." She said, disguised as Orochimaru. "_Alone_," De-Ji added.

"Umm.. Aren't we already alone?" Sasuke looked confused.

"In my room.." De-Ji continued, trying not to laugh. It was clear to her that he wasn't gay.

Sasuke looked at her wide-eyed. "Oh!" he said, smiling again. "Okay.." he said as provocatively as he could.

De-Ji's mouth dropped open. _Oh my Kami!! He __**is**__ gay!!_ "Itachi!!" she screamed. "Your brother's trying to rape me!!"

"Itachi?" Sasuke asked turning red. "He's so much .. sexier.."

De-Ji gave him a look of utter disgust, and turned to run away. She ran as fast as she could, but fell backwards when she ran into something,.. or_ someone_. She looked up to see Kabuto.

"I heard you say something about your _room.._" Kabuto grinned the same way Sasuke had. De-Ji almost blew her cover by gaping at him. _How many gays are in this place?!_ She wondered.

"Um.." De-Ji struggled for an excuse to run away. "There's a new law.. It states that evil geniuses aren't allowed to have relationships with their doctors.."

A look of shock plastered itself on Kabuto's face. "What?! There's no way! Our love will prevail, I'll make sure of it!" Kabuto patted her/his shoulder, "Don't worry, I'll kill this person.."

De-Ji shivered. _What a bunch of freaks! GAY freaks!_ As Kabuto ran off to kill someone who didn't exist, De-Ji gathered herself and made her way out of Orochimaru's lair. As she began to wander, she finally lifted the Henge no Jutsu.

"I'm bored now.." She spoke out loud to herself. After a moment of thought she came up with another plot to occupy her time. "I'll just go back to the Akatsuki lair! I know that Fishy-chan, Blondie, Mummy's Boy, Hustler, Cult Member, and Shadow Man will be happy to see me!" De-Ji trotted off to torment Akatsuki more, all the while, humming the tune to Jaws.

The sad thing is, she'll never be able to appreciate how much she messed up Orochimaru's love life.

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I have nothing against gays or emos, I just find it funny. I believe the same goes for oOfunkyrainbowOo.. So you can't say we discriminate people, only anime characters.. Also, I bet there are people wondering why there isn't any Itachi bashing.. The biggest reason,.. Nobody has any funny ideas. There is just one idea that I've got. I didn't even come up with it. It's not even really funny! It's all lame crud! If for twisted reason you've got a good sense of humor and hate Itachi (Which I hope you don't) I won't reject your ideas! You can tell me in a REVIEW!! REVIEW!! Heheh. REVIEW, REVIEW!! REVIEW ME!! I've got stuff coming dealing with Tyskonami and Itachi's pranks on Akatsuki.. Heheheh... REVIEW... 


	4. The Taste of Sasuke

Heheh. This is stupid and really warped.. Pairings are SasukeXZetsu.. Scared yet?

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Sasuke had finally broken into the Akatsuki lair to kill Itachi, but little did he know the plan was doomed from the start. It was love at first sight.

* * *

Two days later-

Zetsu cradling Sasuke in his arms

Zetsu: You taste like bluberries..

Sasuke: Oooh..blush Zetsu!

Zetsu: chomp

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That is how Sasuke died.. What they were doing before Zetsu ate him, don't ask me! I can't bear to try to picture it, let alone type it!

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Yeah, really lame and super short.. Sorry. All my chapters have been so long. I wanted to update so badly! I have two chapters in the works for this fic, so no worries! Give me reviews!! 


	5. Itachi's Pink Eye

YAY! A good chapter, finally! A little lame, but no pairings. I thought it was funny.. It's not as good as some other chapters, so I just hope you don't hate it too much..

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Pink Eye

Itachi and Kisame walked down the streets of Konoha, somehow perfectly disguised by a pair of hats. Itachi glared at the villagers, they were all complete idiots not to notice. He turned back to see Kisame turning down another street, opposite the direction he was going.

"Where are you going, Kisame?" Itachi hissed, catching him.

"I'm going to get some more nail polish." Kisame sighed as he noticed Itachi's sharingan, which he constantly had activated. "You should come too, and get some medicine for your pink eye."

"It's not pink eye.." Itachi growled. He narrowed his eyes and boredly examined his hand. "I don't see why the leader makes us wear this crap.."

"Personally," Kisame said, shrugging, "I like it."

"It's gay crap." Itachi told him moodily. "Don't waste your money."

"Whatever you want to believe." Kisame turned away, waving at Itachi as he walked away. Before the crowds swallowed him, he called back, "If I see any pink eye stuff, I'll pick it up for you!"

"It's not pink eye." Itachi murmured, more to himself.

It was a warm, breezy day, perfect for being lakeside. He walked to the bridge that ran over a small stream. It struck him as ironic that there was a river in the Fire country. He looked around tiredly. _This is where I'm going to end up fighting Kakashi.. But that's still a way off, Sasuke has just graduated the academy, I think. No point in thinking about it now.._ He put his hands behind his head to stretch and relax. Or at least he tried. The hat got in the way and ultimately fell off. Itachi picked it up, cursing under his breath. _Stupid hat. Stupid leader and his gay nail polish. Forget it, I'll go without the hat._ He rested his elbows on the bridge's railing, holding the hat loosely. He hung it above the water, the ribbons almost becoming wet. He thought about dipping it in the water, and saying he had dropped it. He laughed softly. _That'd piss the leader off.._

He was pulled from his musings by the sound of footsteps. He would be recognized him without the hat. He looked up to see Kakashi of all people.

"Uchiha Itachi?!" Kakashi pointed at him, stopped only a few feet away. "The guy with the worst pink eye ever!" he cried reverently. Then, putting a hand on his hip, he added, "You should really get medicine for that.."

"It's NOT pink eye.." Itachi was becoming more and more irritated.

"Yes it is. Obito gave it to me before he died," Kakashi insisted. "Damn you Uchihas and your pink eye!" he yelled, shaking a fist at him.

Itachi stared at him, not sure what to think. Kakashi seemed to have lost his sanity. He didn't have time to comment because Sasuke suddenly appeared beside them.

"But I don't even have pink eye yet!" Sasuke complained to Kakashi.

"It's not pink eye!" Itachi cut in, thoroughly annoyed now.

Sasuke looked at him, as if just noticing him. He stared for a while before saying anything. "Itachi.." he started slowly, blushing. "You're so.. pretty.

Kisame suddenly came out of thin air behind them all. "It's the nail polish.." he told Sasuke, giving them all the Guy sensei thumbs up and tooth twinkle.

"Really?" Sasuke asked, wide eyed.

"I'm not pretty!" Itachi glared at them all.

"Actually," Kakashi paused in an uncomfortable way. "You are kind of.. good looking.. in a feminine way.."

"Don't make me use these eyes on you!" Itachi threatened.

"But I already have pink eye.." Kakashi scratched his head before adding, "Obito gave it to me.."

"If I'm feminine, can I get pink eye?" Sasuke asked his sensei excitedly. Meanwhile Itachi was insisting it wasn't pink eye in the background.

"Why would you want pink eye?" he questioned. "Nail polish works for me.." Kisame rummaged through his shopping bag before showing Sasuke the purple nail polish.

"Nail polish is crap.." he muttered, a foul mood's aura radiating from him.

"Wow, that's a nice shade of purple.." Sasuke murmured, examining the bottle. "Where'd you get it? I'd like to buy some.."

"The nail polish is for Akatsuki members only," Kisame began helpfully. "But you can get the lip gloss, although I don't know what you want with lip gloss…"

"But it's such a nice color.." Sasuke held the bottle admiringly. "Don't you think, Kakashi?" he asked absently.

"I hate purple.." Kakashi felt odd, being asked about lip gloss and nail polish.

"Purple nail polish and lip stick are gay!" Itachi cried, losing his temper. "Akatsuki is the gayest organization ever!"

"Itachi-san, calm down.." Kisame said soothingly.

"Yeah, you'll make your pink eye worse." Kakashi wiggled a finger reprovingly in Itachi's direction.

Sasuke suddenly began screaming his head off. "AAAHHH! HE'S GONNA KILL PEOPLE!!" With that he ran off to who knows where.

"What's wrong with him?" asked a baffled Kisame.

"He's emo." Kakashi said matter of factly.

"That explains why he wanted pink eye!" Kisame smiled, having put it all together.

"It's not pink eye!" Itachi yelled, frustrated at their insistence on him having an eye infection.

"I found you some medicine, Mr. Denial!" Kisame grinned as he pulled out a box of pink eye medicine.

"I don't need medicine! It's not pink eye!" he cried, stamping his foot.

"Where'd you find it?" Kakashi broke in. "I've been searching all over!"

"It's a small out of the way shop," he mumbled, rubbing the back of his apologetically.

"Can you show me?" Kakashi asked politely.

"Sure!" Kisame told him brightly. "C'mon Itachi-san! We're going to help Kakashi buy some pink eye medicine."

"It's not-" Itachi growled, then stopped himself. "Never mind.." He put the hat back on. "I'm going back to the lair."

"Here, take the nail polish and medicine with you.." Kisame held the shopping bag out to him.

"Hell no!" Itachi snapped, swatting the bag away. "I'm not gay and I don't need medicine!"

"Fine, whatever. Kakashi and I don't have all day. 'Bye!" Kisame waved half-heartedly to Itachi as he walked away. Itachi's only reply was the finger over his shoulder.

"Is he always like that?" Kakashi whispered to Kisame as soon as Itachi was out of sight.

"He's just cranky. He had a hard time brushing his hair this morning." Kisame explain dismissively.

"Oh, that explains a lot.." Kakashi muttered.

Kisame and Kakashi walked the opposite direction towards the shop that he had gotten the medicine from. Many episodes later, in an attempt to look cool, Sasuke appeared as stage two curse mark, wearing the purple lip stick.

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It explains so much.. I hope you luaghed a little! Please give me reviews! I would also apreciate people reading and reveiwing my other fiction, 'Sight and Sound'.. I'm so sad, no one seems to like it. It's a serious one, so don't be disapionted if you read it and don't luagh. You shouldn't luagh at that one.. Please! Review any of my fics! I'm so deprived in that sense! 


	6. Prank Time

It's been awhile since I updated. Sorry. This is a rather lame chapter, but so what? I hope you luagh a little..

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Prank Time

Itachi walked into the Akatsuki lair, fingering a card in his pocket. Expectantly, he looked around. Suddenly, -and very conveniently- he saw Tobi.

"Hey Tobi!" Itachi called in an abnormally friendly way.

Tobi smiled back, glad that he wasn't being teased about being an idiot. It seemed that Itachi was genuinely happy to see him. And Itachi was, that's the scary thing.

"Hi Itachi-san!" Tobi cried energetically.

"Tobi, I got you something.." Itachi said, reaching into his pocket. (Where do Akatsuki have pockets?) "Here." Itachi smiled in a chillingly warm way. He handed Tobi a card. "You can read, right?"

"Oh yeah!" Tobi told him, nodding vigorously. Itachi handed him the card, and Tobi held it reverently for a second before reading it.

* * *

-How do you keep an idiot in suspense?-

(Turn card over)

* * *

Tobi eagerly flipped the card over only to find the same message. Again he flipped the card. Then again, and again. "Oh my gosh! This is so suspenseful!" Tobi cried, turning the card rapidly.

Itachi watched him for a few minutes, amazed at how stupid he was. Finally, he fell to pieces laughing. Then Orochimaru and Sasuke came out of no where.

"You think that's funny?" Orochimaru asked. "Watch this!"

Itachi stared at him, wondering why he was back. _Didn't I already kick his ass? _Orochimaru summoned a huge snake.

"Okay, Sasuke." Orochimaru caught Itachi's eye.

"Yes Orochimaru-sama?" Sasuke asked in monotone.

"Grab the snake's tail." Orochimaru ordered.

"Hai!" Sasuke said, already running down the length of the ginormous snake. It wasn't long before he was running back. Sasuke stopped for a second, glancing at the serpent's head before dashing off again.

Itachi looked down the snake's body, confused at Sasuke's idiocy. That's when he realized it was a two headed snake. Sasuke continued galloping back and forth, looking for a nonexistent tail, and Tobi turning the card for an answer he would never find.

Orochimaru and Itachi looked at each other solemnly, and then fell over laughing. They both died from a lack of air caused by laughing too much. Sasuke and Tobi died many weeks later. Sasuke wore himself down, running up and down nonstop, and Tobi died from too much suspense. And that's how they died.

This proves that idiocy kills. Don't be a retard.

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eheheh. I am so wierd. I only thought it was funny when Itachi was wondering why orochimaru was back. They all died. How entertaining! I love killing them. I'm so sick. Tell me what you thought! C'mon reviews! Just got back from Nevada and all of it's gambling! Heheheh! Write to me! Pwease! -- made a babyish Sasuke sounding vioce at the last part. Sasuke's gay. Check out my account on deviant art through my profile! 


	7. Where Babies Come From

Omg.. This one is little bad. Nothing explicit. Onesided pairings: SakuSasu SasuOro Implied: NaruSaku KabOro ItaSasu.. Alot of it is hard to see.. You have to look really close. I have no life. Enjoy the madness!

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Where Babies Come From

Naruto followed Sakura out the doors of the Ninja Academy. She walked as fast as she could, trying to ignore him, even though he obviously wanted her attention. But it couldn't be helped. Sooner than she would have liked, the crowds of children had dispersed, leaving her alone with Naruto.

"Hey, hey! Sakura!" Naruto called.

Sighing heavily, she turned back to him. "What do you want now? Why don't you just leave me alone?"

A mischevious grin spread across his face. "Sakura, do you know where babies come from?"

Sakura gaped at him. "O-of course I do!" she stuttered. But in truth she had never given thought to the question; she had no idea.

Naruto giggled. "You're lying," he said, seeing her obvious discomfort at not knowing something that even a dunce like him knew. Sakura blushed, caught red handed. "You want me to tell you?"

Sakura glared at him crossing her arms. "No. I don't need _you_ to tell _me_."

Naruto shrugged, "Fine. Have it your way." He smiled again as she gaped at after him.

She gave him another steely look before making as though to walk away. Predictably, Naruto dashed after.

"Here, I'll just tell you," he told her.

Sakura's inner self grinned. Naruto would tell her, and she could act as if she had known the entire time.

"Well, first there's a guy and a girl.." he leaned down to her ear, whispering more. It was mere seconds before she hit him.

"NARUTO! You lair!" she yelled as she sent him flying into a nearby tree with devastating force.

As he sat trying to recover, Sakura stalked off with a new scheme in mind.

_Sasuke's smart and he won't lie. I'll just ask him. Sasuke will know. _With that assumption firm in her mind, Sakura went in search of him.

* * *

Sasuke was walking along leisurely when Sakura finally located him. "Sasuke!" she called, running up to him with a sappy smile.

"Hi, Sakura," he mumbled, a little startled by her sudden appearance overly excited demeanor.

She suddenly became shy. "Sasuke," _Babies.. with Sasuke…_ "Where do babies come from?"

He gave a small surprised gasp. _I.. I never thought about it. Where __**do**__ babies come from?_ Sasuke glared at her. "You don't know?" he asked in the most conscending voice he could muster.

Sakura stared at her feet with a look of hurt embarrassment. "S-sasuke.. Can you tell me? Naruto tried to say something, but I'm sure he's lying."

"Hn," he growled, giving her another disdainful glare before walking away. Ashamed of her lack of knowledge, Sakura trudged home.

Sasuke continued home, lost in his disconcerted musings. Just where did babies come from?

* * *

He moped around his house, deeply disturbed by lacking such basic knowledge. Itachi shuffled in, flopping into his studying desk to get to work.

Sasuke peeked over the back of the couch at him.

"Yes, Sasuke?" he asked feeling the boy's eyes on him.

"Niisan.." he paused, shy about asking the question. "Where do babies come from?"

Itachi turned suddenly, sighing. "You _really_ want to know?"

Sasuke nodded eagerly. _Itachi's going to tell me!_

"Uh, well.." he pondered, trying to decide how best to explain things. Finally he sighed again and stood, folding his arms. Sasuke stared up at him, anxiously anticipating his words. "Maybe.." he furrowed his brow, "Maybe I'll just show you."

It wasn't what Sasuke had been expecting, but better. Biting his thumb to draw blood, Itachi expertly wove his hands through a short series of hand signs. He sat on his knees to slam his palm on the floor, surprising Sasuke, who took a step backwards, stumbling over his feet slightly. There was a large puff of smoke. "Summoning jutsu!"

Sasuke coughed on the thick white clouds before they faded. Itachi took a step back, motioning to the silhouette that was becoming visible. Sasuke's eyes widened; it was a baby!

They stared, dumbfounded for a few seconds. The baby had the signature emo Uchiha bangs and a ponytail much like Itachi's. The only issues were oversized glasses and the faded color of its hair, to a silvery gray.

After a moment, Sasuke commented, "It's ugly…"

"Kinda like you," Itachi retorted, embarrassed at the fluke summoning.

Ignoring what his brother said, Sasuke made a suggestion. "Let's sell it."

"Yeah," Itachi snorted. "That'd be a great idea, if we could find someone to buy it."

"We'll make it free.." Sasuke offered feebily.

"Hmm.." Itachi held his chin in thought. "You might have something there. That Orochimaru is always here trying to buy you to be his sex slave. Maybe we can give him this thing instead."

"What do you mean 'sex' slave?" Sasuke asked naively.

"Uh," Itachi waved his hand dismissively. "It's nothing. Let's just sell the kid."

* * *

That is why Kabuto shall now be forever known as the 'lost pokemon brother' and how he came into being, ending up as Orochimaru's sex toy.. At least until Sasuke came along. Babies come from summoning jutsus people.

* * *

This spurted from a comic on my deviant art account. The comic sucks, but it was still funny! Tell me what you thought! Review, review! Maybe I'll let you in on the pokemon brother joke. hahaha.. This is so screwed up.. REview me and tell me how twisted I am, I need to hear it. 


	8. I am Itachi

This doesn't have any pairings. It's something a friend sent me in an email. Lol.. It's funny.

* * *

I am Itachi

I am Itachi.

I have otherworldly beauty and long raven black hair.

I am beautiful.

I am gorgeous.

I must kill all of those who aren't beautiful.

That explains why I have killed my clan.

I left Sasuke alive because I thought he would grow up to be beautiful.

Obviously that didn't work.

Yes.

That is about it.

* * *

How do you like it? A close friend wrote it. I'm publishing it because it's funny, no lack of scary ideas here, just laziness.. I'll post more.. eventually.. REview us!! or her.. or me... Ya know what? Just click the gay button.. 


	9. And Then

Yep.. No pairings, just crack.If you ever wanted to know how to absolutely annoy Sasuke, here it is! C:

* * *

And Then?

Sasuke smoothed his hair into his signature duck butt spikes, securing it with a handful of gel. Giving it one last look over, he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head back and forth violently. He had to get the extra gel out somehow…

"Hi Sasuke," Itachi poked him in the back.

Sasuke whipped around, nearly jumping out of his skin. "W-what are you doing here?! How did you get in!?" he yelled, stammering horribly.

"Oh, back door." Itachi jerked his thumb to a mysterious door that had recently appeared behind them. "So… Whatcha ya doing today, foolish little brother?"

"I'm going to train…" Sasuke glared at him.

"And then?" Itachi asked.

"And then I'm going to get stronger." Sasuke crossed his arms, he was beginning to get very irritated.

"And then?" Itachi shot back quickly.

"And then I'm going to kill _you_," Sasuke growled, already seething with rage.

"And then?"

"And then I'm going to die peacefully," he hissed.

"And then?"

"No 'and then'!" Sasuke yelled.

"And then?"

"NO AND THEN!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"And theen?"

"AAAAAAAUUUGH!!"

And this is how you totally piss off Sasuke.

If it doesn't work, ask Sakura for help.

* * *

BWUHAHAHAHA! 

Sorry. I actually got this off something I saw on youtube. I made it longer though and changed it around just a tad. lolz So yes, reviews are much appreciated and encouraged! C: I hope you enjoyed this, I apologize about it being so short. 


	10. Too Gay

This a parody to 'Too Cool' from the Camp Rock soundtrack. Take it as you will. I can see Sasuke singin' it, but that's just me.

* * *

**Too Gay**

I'm too gay for fangirls

These hands don't leave my hips

Everything ya wear is so yesterday

You catch, and I'll pitch

You wanna be with me

But you're just a wannabe

Love it or hate it

I can't help my sexuality

Hope you don't misunderstand

_But I'm too gay, too gay_

_I'm too gay to date you_

_Don't take it personal_

_Don't get emotional_

_You know it's the truth_

_I'm too gay for you_

_Girl thinks she's hot_

_But I'm sorry you're not_

_Exactly what you think you are_

_I can tell you what it is you haven't got_

_Then I walk into the room_

_I'm too gay for you_

You're lucky I'm so hot

Even I'm surprised

You're still allowed to be in my room

We'll show you how it's done

If you wanna be with me

Just watch us and you'll learn some

Me, myself, and I agree

You'll never get in bed with me

_But I'm too gay, too gay_

_I'm too gay to date you_

_Don't take it personal_

_Don't get emotional_

_You know it's the truth_

_I'm too gay for you_

_Girl thinks she's hot_

_But I'm sorry you're not_

_Exactly what you think you are_

_I can tell you what it is you haven't got_

_Then I walk into the room_

_I'm too gay for you_

You see some are born

With beauty, and brains, and talent

And they got it all

While others simply try all their lives

Still they never get laid

That's the difference between us and you

Obviously, I'm a homosexual

I'm the real deal, yeah

I can't help my sexuality

Hope you don't misunderstand

_But I'm too gay, too gay_

_I'm too gay to date you_

_Don't take it personal_

_Don't get emotional_

_You know it's the truth_

_I'm too gay for you_

_Girl thinks she's hot_

_But I'm sorry you're not_

_Exactly what you think you are_

_I can tell you what it is you haven't got_

_Then I walk into the room_

_I'm too gay for you_

_But I'm too gay, too gay_

_I'm too gay to date you_

_Don't take it personal_

_Don't get emotional_

_You know it's the truth_

_I'm too gay for you_

_Girl thinks she's hot_

_But I'm sorry you're not_

_Exactly what you think you are_

_I can tell you what it is you haven't got_

_Then I walk into the room_

_I'm too gay for you_

How do you like it? It's my first parody! _**Please review!!**_


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